Kids and Porn: The Real Dangers of Exposing Children to Pornography

Pornography, with its message that sex without responsibility or care is both acceptable and desirable, can be causing more harm that many people realize- especially when it comes to our children. Beyond robbing them of their innocence and giving them an unrealistic vision of what sex should be, recent studies have shown that exposure to explicit sexual images at a young age can actually cause permanent psychological harm to kids and teens.

According to The Journal of Sexual Research, children under the age of fourteen who have been exposed to pornography have a greater tendency to become involved in deviant or criminal sexual behavior as an adult- especially rape. (That fact alone is enough to have many parents running to unplug their home computers) Additionally, because it is in a child’s nature to imitate the things that they see, read, or hear about, children and teens that have seen pornography are twice as likely to become involved in sexual activities at a much earlier age- a trend that can be tracked by the ever increasing number of teenage STD cases. Today, one in four sexually active people under the age of 21 is carrying some kind of sexually transmitted disease. That’s over three million cases annually.

As if all of that weren’t frightening enough, there is yet another scary trend that many say can be traced back, at least in part, to an early exposure to pornography: children acting out towards other children in a sexual or violent way. Like children who have themselves been molested, kids who viewed porn often end up forcing the things they have seen or experienced on their younger peers.

So what are a concerned parent’s options? More than a few have found themselves between the proverbial rock and a hard place. After all, getting rid of your home computer is probably not going to work. But there are alternatives. For example, try moving the computer out of your child’s room, and into a public part of the house. Sit down with your teens, and explain to them the real dangers- not only of pornography, but of unprotected sex. And, of course, installing a quality internet filter can help you keep track of what your kids are doing while on the internet.

Cyber Bullying: Know the Facts

Bullying is not a new concept- Parents and their children have been dealing with these playground menaces since the beginning of organized education. But the internet has brought forth an entirely new concept in youthful harassment: the cyber bully. And unlike traditional schoolyard bullies, the cyber bully isn’t restricted by the confines of a lunch break.

Cyber bullying is any mean or hurtful behavior aimed at someone over the internet, or through the use of technology. Instant messengers, social networking sites, chat rooms, blogs, and text messages are all common places to find cyber bullying. And it’s a growing epidemic. According to the United States government, almost 40% of teens between the ages of 12 and 17 have had someone send them a vulgar, offensive or hurtful message, with girls being twice as likely as their male counterparts to engage in cyber bullying. (Stop Bullying Now)

So what can you do if you suspect that your child is the victim of cyber bulling? Start with an open conversation. Explain to your teen that it is not ok for anyone to make them feel uncomfortable- in person or online. Then, keep these ideas in mind:

·         Check out the “terms and conditions” of the social networking sites, chat room, or blog that your child is frequenting. Many of these have a ban on inappropriate use or language. Contact them with the web address that the cyber bullying is using.

·         Don’t delete the emails or text messages that come through. Instead, save or print them out as proof of what is going on.

·         Strongly discourage your child from responding to the cyber bully – they will more than likely move on.

·         If you see emails that contain threats of violence, extortion, pornography, stalking, or possible hate crimes, (or if you fear that your child’s cyber bully may be an adult or a criminal) contact your local police department immediately. Again, maintain a copy of all correspondence, email, or text messages

The sooner you act to stop an online bully, the faster your child can get their life back. 

But what happens if you suspect that your teen is on the other side of the screen? Check back with us next week, when we explore What to Do if Your Teen is a Cyber Bully.

Say What? Chat and Text Decoded

As parents, we try our best to stay on top of what’s going on in our teen’s lives. We attend parent teacher conferences, cheer our hearts out at a rain drenched soccer tournament, and chauffer them to the mall and back on what seems like a daily basis. But most importantly, we communicate.

 Or, at least, we try to.

 Because communication can get quite tricky when there’s a language barrier involved. And leave no doubt about it- they now have a lingo all their own. One that consists of so many acronyms and abbreviations that it ceases to look like speaking at all. But if you want to know what they’re really saying on MySpace- or just how to decipher that text you just received- then it’s time to brush up on your “teen speak”.

 Now, you may be wondering what happened to the nice child that used to live in your house. You know, the one that spoke in a way that you actually understood? The truth is, they’re still there. (Perhaps buried underneath a thick layer of mascara and lip gloss, but there none the less) So, here’s the low down on understanding the world of the modern teenager.

 

Some of the most common Acronyms and Abbreviations
LOL	Laughing out loud
LMAO	Laughing my a** off
ROFL	Rolling on the floor laughing
Addy	Address (can also mean email address or screen name)
BRB	be right back
ASL or A/S/L	Age Sex Location (mostly used in chat rooms)
TTYL	talk to you later
BF or B/F	Boyfriend
BFF	best friends forever
GF or g/f	girlfriend
BTW	By the way
Sexting	sending sexy pictures via text message
420	marijuana

 

Some to watch out for!
AITR	Adult in the room
9	Parent watching
CD9	Code 9 (parents are around)
KPC	Keeping parents clueless
PLOS	Parents looking over shoulder

 

So there you have it, the basics of text language. Of course, every school, town, and clique has their own variations on these abbreviations, and acronyms that are unique to them. So don’t be afraid to ask questions. And remember: groovy, radical, tubular, peace out, and the most all used to sound like a foreign tongue to your parents. So try to stay patient, and remember to LOL whenever possible.

For an exhaustive list, try Webopedia’s Text Messaging Abbreviations or netlingo’s TXT MSG section.

Vista Parental Controls: A Step in the Right Direction

With the launch of Windows Vista, Microsoft has taken a nice step towards helping parents regain control of what their kids are exposed to during their time in front of the computer – whether that’s blocking porn, gambling or other types of inappropriate material.  Windows Vista Parental Controls allow parents to set up an individual account for each user- customizing what that person has access to.

The Good:

• It’s already on your computer, which makes it free (always a plus!)
• At the most basic level, it’s not difficult to set up.
• Allowing parents to control, on a per user basis, the types of websites, games and downloads that their children are allowed to see helps give parents some much needed piece of mind when it comes to computer usage.
• Windows Parental Controls also allow parents to determine when a user can use the Internet – blocking complete access to the Internet between the hours of 11:00 pm and 7:00 am is a great way to encourage responsible use of the Internet. 

The Bad:

• Not all programs are compatible with Windows Parental Controls, which can sometimes hinder the effectiveness of the program. 
• While setting up individual profiles can be a good thing, it also means that each person MUST remember to log off after each session on the computer and that each person MUST safeguard their password, etc. – something to think about when you’re dealing with intrepid young minds.
• Last but not least, no matter how you slice it, beyond the most basic level, it takes work and it takes time.

The Final Verdict:

While Vista’s Parental Control is not without its flaws, the staff at Block-Porn.Org commends Microsoft for taking a very important step in the right direction.  Windows Vista’s Parental Controls are a great start to a diligent Internet monitoring program – For parents with very young children, it can be an acceptable solution to keeping the Internet safe.

However, once your kids get older (read: 11+) it just won’t be enough and if you’re a busy parent, It can also get to be a hassle to constantly update and monitor the Parental Control settings. 

In talking with parents, we’ve found that after a couple of months, a large percentage of them simply give up trying to stay on top of it.  So when you’re ready for something that takes most of the work out of your hands,  look into a fully managed, password free, filtering service like My Internet Doorman.  It’s not only one of the most effective, but also incredibly affordable.

Please check back over the next few days to read “Vista Parental Controls- A How To.” for instructions on installing Vista Parental Controls on your PC.

A Parents Guide to Social Networking

From sock hops and malt shops to malls and skate parks, teenagers have always been social creatures. While the location changes from one generation to another, the basic bonding rituals remain the same: meet after school, and talk about everything from science teachers and the latest fashion to celebrities and crushes. But while teenage social behavior hasn’t changed much in the last hundred years, the gathering places themselves have undergone a radical transformation. And the new hotspots have created a lot of very worried parents.

In an age dominated by internet social networking sites, it’s not always easy to keep up with who your teen is talking to. And on the web, that can be a dangerous situation.

“It scares me to think that my daughters could be talking to anyone online. They spend so much time on MySpace and Facebook… how do I know they’re being safe?” -Zaida, mother of 2 teenage girls

The MySpace social networking site has grown to behemoth proportions, with thousands of new profiles being created every day. Most of these are teenagers looking to connect with friends and meet new people. But the problems lie in the rest of the MySpace population. Last year, MySpace officials deleted almost 30,000 profiles belonging to known sex offenders. But the website’s monitoring staff has no way of knowing who is posing as a 15 year old girl in order to gain the trust of unsuspecting teens. And neither do parents.

What concerned parents can do, however, is keep the lines of communication open with their children. Blocking the internet all together is never a good option, as it will just push your teen to get online elsewhere. Instead, be upfront with your kids, and let them know the real dangers of giving away too much information. Make sure you have your teen’s password, and check in on them. If they know you might be looking, they are less likely to do something foolish. Most importantly- get involved. Remember, even if you think the entire MySpace concept is foolish, it is important to your child. Time and again, studies have shown that parents that take an active interest in their young adult’s life run less risk of suffering an unpleasant surprise.

So make sure their profile is set to private; remind them never to post their last name, address, phone number, or school; and keep an eye out. They may roll their eyes at you now, but in the end, even the most ornery teen will realize that you cared enough to worry about them.

They Need you now as much as they needed you then…

Our sons and daughters grow up quickly, and they might think that they can handle things on their own, but the reality is that they need you now as much as they did when they where infants… if not more so. When it comes to keeping them safe, you’ve always done everything in your power- from buckling them into car seats to carefully inspecting Halloween candy. But now that they’re teens, you may find yourself at a loss when it comes to their security. Compounding the problem is the fact that today’s teenagers live in a social climate that most adults find foreign at best; and downright scary at worst.

The internet dominates the modern teenage social scene, and that alone can keep parents up at night. How do you really know what’s going on in their lives, when they spend the majority of it in front of a computer screen? The answer is that there is no single answer. But by opening up the lines of communication with your child, you can create a dialogue that can help them see that all you want is for them to be safe and secure. And while you may not always see eye to eye, it is important for them to realize that you do have their best interest in mind. Here are some ideas for conversation starters that can help put you and your teen on the same page.

Let them know why you’re concerned

Nothing will inspire rebellion in a 15 year old faster than the words “because I said so.” You’ve raised them to be bright, independent thinkers- so let them know that there is a reason why you’re imposing certain rules. There are real statistics available about the dangers of meeting strangers on the internet, getting caught up on hate sites, or giving away personal information online. Sit down and share these with your teenager- not as a scare tactic, but as a way to back up your point.

Know the lingo

You can’t communicate with someone if you don’t speak the same language. Today’s teens have an entire lexicon of abbreviations, web slang, and words that seem so foreign they might as well be speaking Martian. And while you may know the difference between LOL and LMAO, deciphering a text message that includes “fosho” or “fina” may take a bit more practice. Taking the time to understand what they are saying- even if just to laugh with them about it- will let them know that you’re taking an active interest in their lives – check back with us next week for “A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Online Chat Acronyms & Smiley Faces”

Tell them that you plan to be involved

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. If your son or daughter knows that you are planning on keeping an eye on what they’re doing, then they will be less likely to do something that they know you would disapprove of.  So rather than telling them that they can’t have a MySpace page (which would probably just cause them to set one up anyway, without you knowing about it or being able to monitor it) set one up with them. Know their password, and check in on it often. More than likely, all you will find is the usual teenage gossiping about school, friends and clothes. But if you do find something suspicious, act on it right away. Also, the MySpace home page allows parents to submit their child’s screen name, in order to help them keep an eye on underage users – for more information visit MySpace Tips for Parents.

These are just some ideas… the real key is to sit down with your teen and tailor a computer usage plan that addresses both your concerns and their needs. Remember, they need you now, whether they realize it or not.