Help When You Need It-The Importance of Accountability Partners

Overcoming any addiction is a struggle on the deepest level. It affects every part of your life. And when it comes to a pornography addiction, the fight can be made worse by the fact you probably can not remove the source of your greatest temptation from your home. If you were wrestling with an alcohol addiction, you would throw away or lock up all the bottles of liquor in your cabinet. But, for most people, it’s not feasible to take their computers out of the house. So what do you do when you need a little extra help? One of the most effective methods for conquering a porn addiction involves finding an accountability partner.

As the term implies, an accountability partner is someone who will help you become accountable for your actions. In other words, this is someone who will not only help you face your demons, but take responsibility for your own recovery.

A large part of what makes internet porn so addictive is the anonymity that the internet provides. No need to embarrass yourself by renting adult movies or requesting magazines from a convenience store clerk- simply boot up your desk top, and you’re free to roam the web. An accountability partner strips away the secretive nature of this kind of pornography. A weekly printout of every website that you have visited brings your actions to light. Knowing that someone will be seeing exactly what you’re doing may be the impetus you need to flex your will power.

Choose your accountability partner carefully. Remember, this person is going to be an integral part of your support system. It has to be someone whom you can rely on- and who cares enough for you to not only point out when you’ve fallen off the wagon, but who will help you dust yourself off and climb back on. Many people choose to make their spouse their accountability partner- which can often help to rebuild some of the trust that is lost after a partner admits to having an addiction of this nature. Others prefer to keep their accountability partner outside of the home, selecting instead a friend, relative, or religious figure.

Once you’ve decided on who your accountability partner will be, then it’s time to choose a method to implement your new plan. Block-Porn.Org recommends a fully managed internet filtering system that will take the work out of your hands; because the easier it is, the more likely you are to stick with it. (Check out My Internet Doorman, a program that will send your accountability partner a detailed list of every website you’ve visited, as well as design a customized internet filter to suit your specific needs.)

Getting your life back together after an addiction of any kind takes time, patience, and hard work. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. An accountability partner can make all the difference on your path to recovery.

Fighting A Pornography Addiction: The First Steps

Wikipedia defines an addiction as: “A state in which the body relies on a substance for normal functioning and develops a physical dependence.” We’re all familiar with drug and alcohol addiction, but what happens when that ‘substance’ is pornography?  It’s more of a problem than many people realize.

Sexual stimulation- especially visual representations of sexual acts- draw a person to them on a very basic level. We’re genetically programmed to be intrigued by sex, because it ensures the survival of our species. In years past, however, there were certain buffers in place that helped cull the number of people that became obsessed with sex and porn. For example, it’s illegal to peek in your neighbor’s window. And socially, there is an embarrassment factor that keeps people away from purchasing many hardcore magazines or renting pornographic movies. But with the internet came a new age in technology; and in porn usage. The anonymity of online porn lowered restrictions and inhibitions- and the result has been a tenfold increase in the number of American adults with a serious pornography addiction.

If you feel that pornography is interfering with your real world relationships, or that your internet use has gotten out of control, then it’s time to take action towards getting your life back. Like any addiction, the decision to get help (and admitting that you have a problem) is the first step. Outlining a treatment plan is the next. While everyone’s struggle is individual, here are some ideas to help you on the road to recovery:

Begin with affirmation and inspiration: The addiction recovery process won’t be easy, and there may be times when you might want to get down on yourself. Just remember that like everything else in life, there are times when it will be two steps forward, and then one step back. Begin each day with an affirmation- remind yourself why you want to “quit”, and that you have the strength to do it. Then, surround yourself with inspiration. Set up pictures around your computer- of your wife, kids, mother, or anyone else that inspires you or lifts your spirits.

Accountability counts: The internet made you anonymous, and that made it easier to convince yourself that what you’re doing was “no big deal”. Taking the mask off is a good way to bring your actions to light. Start by moving the computer out of your bedroom or office, and putting it in a public part of your home. Then, choose a trusted friend or relative to help you be accountable for your actions. By emailing or faxing them a printout of all the web pages you visited at the end of the week, you force yourself to come face to face with the reality of your problem.  Better yet, with a managed service like My Internet Doorman, your activity can automatically be reported to one or more accountability partners – a real help for lots of people.

Filter yourself: A good Internet filter is a fantastic place to get help. It tackles the source of the problem (the actual accessibility of Internet porn) in a way that few other measures can. Not all Internet monitoring systems are created equal, however, and you need to do your homework before selecting one. The best filters for concerned adults are fully managed by outside sources, taking most of the work out of your hands. My Internet Doorman is one such filter that has helped a lot of people overcome a pornography problem. Fully customizable, it helps you set up guidelines that are specific to your needs, which is essential for long term success.

Strength in Numbers: In the struggle to overcome any addiction, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Other people- especially people that understand what you are going through, can become your best tool. Group meetings or therapy are a great starting point, and have helped many people overcome the urges of addiction. Additionally, you may want to join an online support group, where you can talk to others who are feeling the same thing you are, and whom you can reach out to when you need extra help.

Most importantly of all, begin to live your life again. Whether or not you realize it, an addiction to pornography takes away from the most important relationships in your life. So take your kids to the park, plan a romantic weekend with your special someone, or take your dog for a long walk. Keeping yourself busy- and happy- will help you with the recovery process, and remind you of how much you have to look forward to every morning.

“The Web: Still a Vast Pornographic Wasteland”

On September 19, 2008, The Wall Street Journal ran an article:
http://blogs.wsj.com/biztech/2008/09/19/the-web-still-a-vast-pornographic-wasteland/

They looked at the fact that while more and more businesses were moving online, the Web remains dominated by sites dedicated to more prurient interests.

According to the article, Seven of the 10 fastest-growing categories between 2006 and 2007 were sites that might make you want to rip out your connection to the internet:

• Anorexia and bulimia (instructions on how to do it) grew 469%
• Proxy Anonymizers (Sites that hide somebody’s identity online) +219%
• Violence +126%
• Computer hacking +88%
• Racism +71%
• Malicious software code +70%
• Drugs +62%

What’s just as interesting is the change in behavior fostered by the easy access to said material. While obviously many are rejoicing in their new found sources, at My Internet Doorman, we’ve seen a dramatic increase in adults looking to self censor and block porn sites – over 25% of our clients are now adults looking to “protect” themselves from access to internet porn.
 
It seems that a growing number of adults are finding that their need for internet porn is becoming an obsession; many otherwise dedicated husbands find themselves waiting for their wives to head out on an errand so they can get their fix, others simply ignore their families, spending an inordinate amount of time in their “home office”. For most, this is not done deliberately and some have gone as far as to consider it an addiction. – Actor David Duchovny recently entered rehab because of a self proclaimed porn addiction.
 
Bottom line; if you find yourself caught up surfing the more prurient parts of the web more often than you would like, you owe it to yourself and to your family to visit www.MyInternetDoorman.org for helpful tips on how to avoid the porn trap and www.MyInternetDdoorman.com for the only Fully Managed Internet Filtering Service.