According to The Journal of Sexual Research, children under the age of fourteen who have been exposed to pornography have a greater tendency to become involved in deviant or criminal sexual behavior as an adult- especially rape. (That fact alone is enough to have many parents running to unplug their home computers) Additionally, because it is in a child’s nature to imitate the things that they see, read, or hear about, children and teens that have seen pornography are twice as likely to become involved in sexual activities at a much earlier age- a trend that can be tracked by the ever increasing number of teenage STD cases. Today, one in four sexually active people under the age of 21 is carrying some kind of sexually transmitted disease. That’s over three million cases annually.

As if all of that weren’t frightening enough, there is yet another scary trend that many say can be traced back, at least in part, to an early exposure to pornography: children acting out towards other children in a sexual or violent way. Like children who have themselves been molested, kids who viewed porn often end up forcing the things they have seen or experienced on their younger peers.

So what are a concerned parent’s options? More than a few have found themselves between the proverbial rock and a hard place. After all, getting rid of your home computer is probably not going to work. But there are alternatives. For example, try moving the computer out of your child’s room, and into a public part of the house. Sit down with your teens, and explain to them the real dangers- not only of pornography, but of unprotected sex. And, of course, installing a quality internet filter can help you keep track of what your kids are doing while on the internet.

As the term implies, an accountability partner is someone who will help you become accountable for your actions. In other words, this is someone who will not only help you face your demons, but take responsibility for your own recovery.

A large part of what makes internet porn so addictive is the anonymity that the internet provides. No need to embarrass yourself by renting adult movies or requesting magazines from a convenience store clerk- simply boot up your desk top, and you’re free to roam the web. An accountability partner strips away the secretive nature of this kind of pornography. A weekly printout of every website that you have visited brings your actions to light. Knowing that someone will be seeing exactly what you’re doing may be the impetus you need to flex your will power.

Choose your accountability partner carefully. Remember, this person is going to be an integral part of your support system. It has to be someone whom you can rely on- and who cares enough for you to not only point out when you’ve fallen off the wagon, but who will help you dust yourself off and climb back on. Many people choose to make their spouse their accountability partner- which can often help to rebuild some of the trust that is lost after a partner admits to having an addiction of this nature. Others prefer to keep their accountability partner outside of the home, selecting instead a friend, relative, or religious figure.

Once you’ve decided on who your accountability partner will be, then it’s time to choose a method to implement your new plan. Block-Porn.Org recommends a fully managed internet filtering system that will take the work out of your hands; because the easier it is, the more likely you are to stick with it. (Check out My Internet Doorman, a program that will send your accountability partner a detailed list of every website you’ve visited, as well as design a customized internet filter to suit your specific needs.)

Getting your life back together after an addiction of any kind takes time, patience, and hard work. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. An accountability partner can make all the difference on your path to recovery.

Cyber bullying is any mean or hurtful behavior aimed at someone over the internet, or through the use of technology. Instant messengers, social networking sites, chat rooms, blogs, and text messages are all common places to find cyber bullying. And it’s a growing epidemic. According to the United States government, almost 40% of teens between the ages of 12 and 17 have had someone send them a vulgar, offensive or hurtful message, with girls being twice as likely as their male counterparts to engage in cyber bullying. (Stop Bullying Now)

So what can you do if you suspect that your child is the victim of cyber bulling? Start with an open conversation. Explain to your teen that it is not ok for anyone to make them feel uncomfortable- in person or online. Then, keep these ideas in mind:

·         Check out the “terms and conditions” of the social networking sites, chat room, or blog that your child is frequenting. Many of these have a ban on inappropriate use or language. Contact them with the web address that the cyber bullying is using.

·         Don’t delete the emails or text messages that come through. Instead, save or print them out as proof of what is going on.

·         Strongly discourage your child from responding to the cyber bully – they will more than likely move on.

·         If you see emails that contain threats of violence, extortion, pornography, stalking, or possible hate crimes, (or if you fear that your child’s cyber bully may be an adult or a criminal) contact your local police department immediately. Again, maintain a copy of all correspondence, email, or text messages

The sooner you act to stop an online bully, the faster your child can get their life back. 

But what happens if you suspect that your teen is on the other side of the screen? Check back with us next week, when we explore What to Do if Your Teen is a Cyber Bully.

 Or, at least, we try to.

 Because communication can get quite tricky when there’s a language barrier involved. And leave no doubt about it- they now have a lingo all their own. One that consists of so many acronyms and abbreviations that it ceases to look like speaking at all. But if you want to know what they’re really saying on MySpace- or just how to decipher that text you just received- then it’s time to brush up on your “teen speak”.

 Now, you may be wondering what happened to the nice child that used to live in your house. You know, the one that spoke in a way that you actually understood? The truth is, they’re still there. (Perhaps buried underneath a thick layer of mascara and lip gloss, but there none the less) So, here’s the low down on understanding the world of the modern teenager.

So there you have it, the basics of text language. Of course, every school, town, and clique has their own variations on these abbreviations, and acronyms that are unique to them. So don’t be afraid to ask questions. And remember: groovy, radical, tubular, peace out, and the most all used to sound like a foreign tongue to your parents. So try to stay patient, and remember to LOL whenever possible.

For an exhaustive list, try Webopedia’s Text Messaging Abbreviations or netlingo’s TXT MSG section.

Begin by starting up your computer and logging in. (Please note, in order for you to maintain sole access to the parental controls, make sure that you are the only one that knows your log in password. Kids and teens are brighter than you may give them credit for, so make sure your password is not something they will easily guess.)

Once you’ve logged on, click on the START button in the lower left hand corner of the screen. (It looks like a circle with four colored squares within it)

When the Start Menu opens, find the search box at the bottom. Type “parental controls” in the box and then hit the enter button on your keyboard. A box will pop up, asking if you would like to continue. Click yes, and you will be taken to the Parental Control Welcome Screen.

Now you’re ready to set up a new user identity for each of your kids. Click on the option that says Create New User Account to begin. Here you will be prompted to create a user name for each user. (They will have the option to create their own password the next time they log in.) This is where it can get tricky.  If a user with more freedom forgets to sign out, then all your work will be for naught.  Also, be prepared to referee shouting matches, threats and bribes between your young ones as they try to wheedle each other’s passwords.

Once you have set up an account for each user, Windows Vista will monitor most of that person’s activities for you. Here are some examples of the controls that you can customize for each user:

Windows Web Filter: In this category, you can select the level of internet filtering that you’d like to set up for each individual user. It is automatically set at medium, but you can relax this, if you want. You can also set it at High, which will block everything except pages meant specifically for children. The web filter is also where you can block certain web pages by entering their URL. One of the most important features to explore within this category is the custom button, which allows you to block out certain categories all together- like pornography, gambling, hate speech, drugs, or alcohol. *Please note, as Window’s Parental Controls is not monitored by actual people, not all content in these areas can be controlled. For more in depth parental controls, you should look into a fully managed internet filtering system.

Configuring Time Restrictions: When, from the user control page, you select the option for time limits, you will be able to control when each user is allowed to use the computer. You will be taken to a simple grid- and by clicking on the time boxes, you can designate certain hours when that user is not able to log onto their account.  Once again, a fully managed internet filtering system like My Internet Doorman can really help in this regard, creating very specific profiles for there clients that allow for very restricted filtered Internet use during the day, then something a bit more lax once you get home from work and then locking i out compleatly during the late night hours.

Game Restrictions: For many parents, the kinds of internet games that their children are exposed to are a major concern. By configuring the user’s game restrictions, you can help alleviate some of the worry over what they are doing in their free time. On the gaming restrictions page, you can decide if a certain user can play games at all (now there’s an incentive to get homework and chores done), and what rating and content types they are allowed to access. You can also block certain games all together.

In addition to individual user settings, you will also be prompted to set up global boundaries for your parental controls. For example, you can decide which games rating system you would like to use, how often you’d like to see each user’s activity report (A list of which websites each user has visited, emails sent, games played, etc) and when you’d like to receive important updates.

For more information on Windows Parental Controls, or to find out how to upgrade to Vista, please visit the Windows home page at www.windows.com

The Good:

• It’s already on your computer, which makes it free (always a plus!)
• At the most basic level, it’s not difficult to set up.
• Allowing parents to control, on a per user basis, the types of websites, games and downloads that their children are allowed to see helps give parents some much needed piece of mind when it comes to computer usage.
• Windows Parental Controls also allow parents to determine when a user can use the Internet – blocking complete access to the Internet between the hours of 11:00 pm and 7:00 am is a great way to encourage responsible use of the Internet. 

The Bad:

• Not all programs are compatible with Windows Parental Controls, which can sometimes hinder the effectiveness of the program. 
• While setting up individual profiles can be a good thing, it also means that each person MUST remember to log off after each session on the computer and that each person MUST safeguard their password, etc. – something to think about when you’re dealing with intrepid young minds.
• Last but not least, no matter how you slice it, beyond the most basic level, it takes work and it takes time.

The Final Verdict:

While Vista’s Parental Control is not without its flaws, the staff at Block-Porn.Org commends Microsoft for taking a very important step in the right direction.  Windows Vista’s Parental Controls are a great start to a diligent Internet monitoring program – For parents with very young children, it can be an acceptable solution to keeping the Internet safe.

However, once your kids get older (read: 11+) it just won’t be enough and if you’re a busy parent, It can also get to be a hassle to constantly update and monitor the Parental Control settings. 

In talking with parents, we’ve found that after a couple of months, a large percentage of them simply give up trying to stay on top of it.  So when you’re ready for something that takes most of the work out of your hands,  look into a fully managed, password free, filtering service like My Internet Doorman.  It’s not only one of the most effective, but also incredibly affordable.

Please check back over the next few days to read “Vista Parental Controls- A How To.” for instructions on installing Vista Parental Controls on your PC.

Sexual stimulation- especially visual representations of sexual acts- draw a person to them on a very basic level. We’re genetically programmed to be intrigued by sex, because it ensures the survival of our species. In years past, however, there were certain buffers in place that helped cull the number of people that became obsessed with sex and porn. For example, it’s illegal to peek in your neighbor’s window. And socially, there is an embarrassment factor that keeps people away from purchasing many hardcore magazines or renting pornographic movies. But with the internet came a new age in technology; and in porn usage. The anonymity of online porn lowered restrictions and inhibitions- and the result has been a tenfold increase in the number of American adults with a serious pornography addiction.

If you feel that pornography is interfering with your real world relationships, or that your internet use has gotten out of control, then it’s time to take action towards getting your life back. Like any addiction, the decision to get help (and admitting that you have a problem) is the first step. Outlining a treatment plan is the next. While everyone’s struggle is individual, here are some ideas to help you on the road to recovery:

Begin with affirmation and inspiration: The addiction recovery process won’t be easy, and there may be times when you might want to get down on yourself. Just remember that like everything else in life, there are times when it will be two steps forward, and then one step back. Begin each day with an affirmation- remind yourself why you want to “quit”, and that you have the strength to do it. Then, surround yourself with inspiration. Set up pictures around your computer- of your wife, kids, mother, or anyone else that inspires you or lifts your spirits.

Accountability counts: The internet made you anonymous, and that made it easier to convince yourself that what you’re doing was “no big deal”. Taking the mask off is a good way to bring your actions to light. Start by moving the computer out of your bedroom or office, and putting it in a public part of your home. Then, choose a trusted friend or relative to help you be accountable for your actions. By emailing or faxing them a printout of all the web pages you visited at the end of the week, you force yourself to come face to face with the reality of your problem.  Better yet, with a managed service like My Internet Doorman, your activity can automatically be reported to one or more accountability partners – a real help for lots of people.

Filter yourself: A good Internet filter is a fantastic place to get help. It tackles the source of the problem (the actual accessibility of Internet porn) in a way that few other measures can. Not all Internet monitoring systems are created equal, however, and you need to do your homework before selecting one. The best filters for concerned adults are fully managed by outside sources, taking most of the work out of your hands. My Internet Doorman is one such filter that has helped a lot of people overcome a pornography problem. Fully customizable, it helps you set up guidelines that are specific to your needs, which is essential for long term success.

Strength in Numbers: In the struggle to overcome any addiction, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Other people- especially people that understand what you are going through, can become your best tool. Group meetings or therapy are a great starting point, and have helped many people overcome the urges of addiction. Additionally, you may want to join an online support group, where you can talk to others who are feeling the same thing you are, and whom you can reach out to when you need extra help.

Most importantly of all, begin to live your life again. Whether or not you realize it, an addiction to pornography takes away from the most important relationships in your life. So take your kids to the park, plan a romantic weekend with your special someone, or take your dog for a long walk. Keeping yourself busy- and happy- will help you with the recovery process, and remind you of how much you have to look forward to every morning.

For some, the risk of getting caught is arousing in and of itself. They falsely convince themselves that no one will know what they are looking at… and in the process, open themselves up to potential disciplinary action. And with more and more major companies providing their employees with laptops and home computers, telecommuters seem to be at an even greater risk for falling into the porn at work trap. It’s easy to forget, while in the comfort of your home office, that you are still on company time; and that you are being monitored as such.

For employers, the implications are much wider reaching than just the loss of productivity suffered while employees seek carnal pleasures on the company laptop. Workplace conflicts and a series of lawsuits have cropped up over the past few years, as some people feel harassed by their coworkers’ naughty web browsing.

As a result, many companies are turning to web filtering systems once designed solely for use as parental controls. The most successful of these systems include programs like My Internet Doorman, which let employers set up filtering systems that are as broad (or specific) as needed. An added bonus? They also keep employees away from gambling sites, which are another thorn in the side of the American corporate system.

The simple truth is that porn isn’t going anywhere. In fact, there are more pornography websites today than at any other point in Internet history. And as workplace technology gets more discreet, the need for a fully managed Internet filtering system within company walls will only grow right along side the problem.

In an age dominated by internet social networking sites, it’s not always easy to keep up with who your teen is talking to. And on the web, that can be a dangerous situation.

“It scares me to think that my daughters could be talking to anyone online. They spend so much time on MySpace and Facebook… how do I know they’re being safe?” -Zaida, mother of 2 teenage girls

The MySpace social networking site has grown to behemoth proportions, with thousands of new profiles being created every day. Most of these are teenagers looking to connect with friends and meet new people. But the problems lie in the rest of the MySpace population. Last year, MySpace officials deleted almost 30,000 profiles belonging to known sex offenders. But the website’s monitoring staff has no way of knowing who is posing as a 15 year old girl in order to gain the trust of unsuspecting teens. And neither do parents.

What concerned parents can do, however, is keep the lines of communication open with their children. Blocking the internet all together is never a good option, as it will just push your teen to get online elsewhere. Instead, be upfront with your kids, and let them know the real dangers of giving away too much information. Make sure you have your teen’s password, and check in on them. If they know you might be looking, they are less likely to do something foolish. Most importantly- get involved. Remember, even if you think the entire MySpace concept is foolish, it is important to your child. Time and again, studies have shown that parents that take an active interest in their young adult’s life run less risk of suffering an unpleasant surprise.

So make sure their profile is set to private; remind them never to post their last name, address, phone number, or school; and keep an eye out. They may roll their eyes at you now, but in the end, even the most ornery teen will realize that you cared enough to worry about them.

They looked at the fact that while more and more businesses were moving online, the Web remains dominated by sites dedicated to more prurient interests.

According to the article, Seven of the 10 fastest-growing categories between 2006 and 2007 were sites that might make you want to rip out your connection to the internet:

• Anorexia and bulimia (instructions on how to do it) grew 469%
• Proxy Anonymizers (Sites that hide somebody’s identity online) +219%
• Violence +126%
• Computer hacking +88%
• Racism +71%
• Malicious software code +70%
• Drugs +62%

What’s just as interesting is the change in behavior fostered by the easy access to said material. While obviously many are rejoicing in their new found sources, at My Internet Doorman, we’ve seen a dramatic increase in adults looking to self censor and block porn sites – over 25% of our clients are now adults looking to “protect” themselves from access to internet porn.
 
It seems that a growing number of adults are finding that their need for internet porn is becoming an obsession; many otherwise dedicated husbands find themselves waiting for their wives to head out on an errand so they can get their fix, others simply ignore their families, spending an inordinate amount of time in their “home office”. For most, this is not done deliberately and some have gone as far as to consider it an addiction. – Actor David Duchovny recently entered rehab because of a self proclaimed porn addiction.
 
Bottom line; if you find yourself caught up surfing the more prurient parts of the web more often than you would like, you owe it to yourself and to your family to visit www.MyInternetDoorman.org for helpful tips on how to avoid the porn trap and www.MyInternetDdoorman.com for the only Fully Managed Internet Filtering Service.